|Wendy Raven McNair|
|Author & Artist|
2/9/2012 9:50:02 AM
In honor of Black History Month, I've created a story and I need help
cutting it down to size. Right now it's about 943 words but I need it to be half that.
It's my baby and like the true mother before Solomon, I can't cut it in half. I'm
supposed to read it in front of a live audience this month with a group of other
authors so I'm desperate. Please read the story below and give your input.
Since the story mentions Africa, I'll let this serve as my February Africa post
as well. Only 6 months left until my trip!
Thanks in advance for your help.
The Eternals looked across the divide that separated their plane from the universe,
observing their newest member playing. Debate over the last world was finally over
so it was decided the time had come to create a new world.
"Come to us," Africa called to her daughter.
The girl withdrew from her playmates and crossed the divide, taking her place alongside
"Where would you like this new world to exist?" they asked the child. As the newest member
in their unbroken line, it was her choice.
She answered in delight, "In that part of the universe where my friends are."
The elder Eternals reached into the universe and made a space in which to create the new
"How many worlds have you witnessed?" the girl asked her mother.
"Only two others," Africa answered, distracted by the churning of space matter that would
become home to their most daring creation.
The girl looked at the bracelet embedded high upon her mother's arm. "How long did
Africa gave her daughter a fleeting smile, conscious of the girl's sensitivity. The Eternals
were counting on the child's sensitivity to correct the flaws that had been present in past worlds.
"What do you know of time, young one? You haven't existed long enough to know how to
measure it. Those old worlds didn't last long, they were failed experiments. But this time...,"
her voice trailed off.
"How many worlds exist now?" her daughter persisted.
"What about my seven friends? Venus, Mars, Jupiter...,"
"Planets," Africa patiently asserted.
"What's the difference?"
"Worlds are inhabited by living things, planets are not. There are many planets in our universe
but not a single world. We only create one world at a time for proper observation. But things may
change in the future. Do you see?"
The girl affirmed. "Do you think there are worlds outside, in the multiverse?" she asked.
"The possibilities are infinite."
"Then why can't we visit them?"
"You ask me the same questions constantly. Unfortunately, I only have the same answers.
To maintain equilibrium, each tribe endeavors to tend to their own universe; this one is ours
to rule as we please."
"But it takes forever to create a world," the girl complained. "And the old one was destroyed
before I existed so I never even saw those living things."
"Such impatience. You've only existed separate from me for barely a blink in time."
The girl refused to be softened by her mother's humor. Her frustrated gaze roamed the
universe but soon became mesmerized by the work of the Eternals. She watched in
fascination as the new world took shape from a swirling mass of gas and dust to a
flaming molten ball.
How will they change a planet into a world, she wondered in anticipation.
When the crust cooled and water covered most of the surface, the girl was allowed to explore it until her
curiosity was thoroughly satisfied. When she was done, she was told her fate.
"The bracelet on Africa's arm will make you solid. Select whatever form you wish for our new creation.
After the planet has traveled sixteen times around the sun, seed it with your image then return to us for
the naming ceremony," they instructed.
Sensing her daughter's distress, Africa soothed, "Sixteen years in a blink of time is like a dust particle
in the universe. Give this world all you can in that time. Give it... infinite possibilities."
The bracelet was torn from Africa's arm and her daughter stared in awe as her mother slowly lost shape.
The Eternals left the girl on the planet with the bracelet. She gave the land beneath her
her mother's name. "Africa," she whispered, "the cradle of creation."
The girl lifted the bracelet, considering the shape she would take. The night comforted her, a remiinder
of the familiar pitch black of space. She slipped on the bracelet as she draped the blackness around
herself, forming her body. Then she took the twinkling of the stars to give herself eyes. When daylight
came, she grew a glorious patch of tightly coiled hair to shade her head from the blazing sun.
She looked at her reflection in the water and smiled because she was creating a beautiful people. Her
fingers caressed the deep hue of her skin. She would call them hue-man because they would be a
colorful people. She was suddenly melancholy, realizing she would watch the birth and death of this
world and many more to follow. She pushed the painful thoughts from her mind so she wouldn't pass
anything negative to the new creation. She would absorb as much as she could from her sixteen years
of solitary existence and mix it with her limited knowledge of the universe then genetically pass it all to
her planet descendants. She would also pass on her love for playing among the stars, her spirit of
exploration, her capacity to empathize for pain she'd never experience, and her courage in facing a
At the end of her sixteen lonely enlightening years, the girl descended into the ocean and seeded the
planet, transforming it into a world. She crossed the divide and returned to her plane and the warm
embrace of the Eternals.
They all surrounded her and she trembled because their touch was heavy with hope. The girl raised
her arm, the bracelet now deeply embedded, a part of her.
The elder Eternals spoke as one. "This world will bare your name... Earth."
It was an honor never before given.
They lifted Earth so she could better view Earth, her fragile creation.
"Do You See?"
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2/28/2012 6:57:35 PM
Name: Zgirl 16268 Subject: nice
That was very nice=)
Thanks, Zgirl 16268! ~ WRM
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